| Horror of the Blood Monsters - 1971 | |
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There are many kinds of bad movies. There are movies that are sheerly incompetent. There are movies that are ill-conceived. There are movies that are too low-budgeted to be able to do what they'd intended. There are movies that are just produced as drive-in fodder and really don't shoot for quality. And there are movies starring cast members of Friends. There are also movies made with all these factors in play (well, okay, not all, but all we need is a clip of Matt LeBlanc and we'd have the lot). One of these is Horror of the Blood Monsters, also known as Vampire Men of the Lost Planet, and sundry other titles. This magnum opus of 70s sci-fi opens with a voice over (apparently from one of the unnamed vampires) outlining the fact that Earth has been invaded by a plague of extraterrestrial vampirism. The only way to fight this plague is to send a mission to the 'unknown' solar system of Spectra. Mission XV-13 is dispatched, a brave crew of undistinguished stock characters centered about an aged brilliant scientist (John "Anything For Money" Carradine). There are the typical space mission challenges, mechanical failures, etc., before they arrive at a mysterious planet. Upon landing, the film becomes a jumble of footage of our explorers exploring the planet, Carradine back on the ship communicating by radio, and (I am not making this up) footage from a Phillipino vampire/caveman flick. Eventually, our bold heros fall in with an (English-speaking) cavegirl.... This is roughly on an Ed Wood level (and that's to be unfair to Ed Wood). Really. Produced by grade-z exploitation filmeister Al Adamson (who also brought us The Wizard of Mars), Adamson apparently got the rights to a Phillipino vampire/caveman movie, which he then used as footage of the 'planet of the vampire men.' Since the Phillipino film was black-and-white, the solution was to invent the excuse of 'chromatic radiation' which allowed the film to be printed with varying color gels overlaid (from black-and-white to black-and-yellow/red/etc.).Produced from the premise of "We-got-this-footage, let's-make-a-movie-out-of-it," the result is as disjointed and flat as you might expect. The American cast mostly just 'observes' the vampire cavemen activity, allowing the imported clips to be inserted as stock footage. Carradine's character is intercut from back on the spaceship, communicating via radio. The scenes of the control room back on Earth are almost surreal, with flat shots against a curtain background. Add in not one, but two, of the FUNNIEST sex scenes ever filmed (why are they here? I dunno) and you've got something that would confuse the hell out of Salvador Dali. This film shares lineage with another Adamson production, The Wizard of Mars (aka Horrors of the Red Planet). In addition to Carradine 'starring' in both, various special effects shots are re-used.
PLUSES: The US footage makes the Phillipino stuff look high-quality by comparison. MINUSES: It will significantly alter your perception of what constitutes a 'bad movie.' |
